Sometimes growth doesn’t look like doing more.
Sometimes it looks like pulling back—and trusting that you’re still enough.
I recently had a conversation with a client, we’ll call her Maggie.
Maggie is a high performer and consistently goes above and beyond in her workplace. She sees problems that others don’t, and she finds solutions without being asked. Maggie is a fixer. She has made her department stronger, building systems and processes that support efficiency and culture.
Due to her strong performance, Maggie has been invited to apply for several internal promotions. Each time, she has engaged authentically in a long and involved process. And each time she has been passed over for another candidate.
The first time this happened, Maggie asked for feedback. She engaged in a complete 360 review process. She took the feedback to heart, and systematically worked to adjust her work and her approach to address any concerns, no matter how small.
The most recent time it happened, Maggie became resentful. Not in a dramatic way—but in the quiet moments in the midst of the long drawn out process. Being invited, again, to apply. Having to prove herself, again, through every step. Realizing she was already doing parts of the job she wasn’t going to get. Waiting a week for the scheduled “wrap up conversation” she knew was going to be another rejection.
She was tired. She felt burned. Her instinct was to just walk away, but she loves her job. She called me because she needed to process how she could to continue to show up without feeling resentful each day.
➡️ “Why am I doing all of this if it’s not recognized?”
Maggie’s first instinct was to step back in her role and just do the bare minimum. But she struggled with that idea – “That just doesn’t feel right to me. I wouldn’t be showing up authentically.”
What she was really asking was:
➡️ “If I stop being the one who always goes above and beyond… who am I at work?”
So we talked about how she could put boundaries on her energy, make her invisible work visible, and align her priorities with the priorities of the leadership. The end result felt like recalibrating, not disengaging.
What we realized is this:
Maggie wasn’t just going above and beyond—she was overextending in ways that weren’t being recognized, valued, or required. And over time, that turns from pride into resentment.
- Maggie’s above and beyond work fell into categories – mentoring new employees and identifying structural problems that need fixing. When we looked closely at where her energy was going, a pattern emerged. Maggie wasn’t just doing her job—she was doing the job of her own manager. Mentoring peers. Holding pieces of the culture together. Work that mattered… but wasn’t hers to carry, especially now that she hadn’t been given the manager role.
- We also talked about how to ensure Maggie’s work was not only seen by leadership, but valued, and even requested. Moving forward, when Maggie identified a problem, rather than set the wheels in motion to solve it, she would bring the problem to leadership. “I see x is happening, and I have an idea of how it could be solved. If you think this work is of value, I would be happy to take the lead on the solution.” In this way, her work would be visible to others, and she would have buy-in that the work was important.
By pulling back strategically. Maggie can still show up as her authentic, committed self—just without carrying work that was never truly hers.
For Maggie, it was time to shift how she was showing up at work. Not *change* it, but shift it.
Too many of us recognize the need for a change, but struggle to find a way to shift our behavior while remaining authentic. Many fear that setting boundaries equates to losing themselves.
So here are my questions for you today:
- Is your professional identity in need of a shift?
- How might you pull back strategically–not disengage, but recalibrate?
0 Comments