Last week I was discussing the importance of integrity. A colleague asked me what integrity meant to me. (Don’t you hate it when people don’t just let you throw out a fancy word and move on? 😔 😂 )
I shared that, to me, acting with integrity means
- aligning your words with your actions
- doing what you say you are going to do
- making good on your promises, and
- behaving in a way that aligns with your values.
Then she asked, what does it look like when someone doesn’t have integrity? What are the “tells”? (Again with the hard questions, friend?!) Before I even came up with an answer to her question, I learned something from her push.
When we say something is important to us, it’s important to know how to identify it in others, and maybe even more important to know how to identify when it is missing. If something is truly a core value, then knowing when it is absent is critical when deciding whether or not to pursue a personal or professional relationship.
Now back to the question. As my network grows and I meet new people, how do I know whether or not it would be healthy to pursue a business relationship with them? It’s easiest to say “yes” to all possibilities, because starting a business can lead to a scarcity mindset. “I’ll work with whoever will pay me.” But those relationships can do more harm than good if there is a mismatch in values.
So, if integrity is one of my core values, what are the “tells” for a lack of integrity? Here’s what I have come up with so far.
Early “tells” are:
- not showing up for a meeting
- lack of responsiveness in email communication
- communicating urgency and then not prioritizing time to discuss, talking badly about colleagues in initial conversations.
A little farther along, other observable indicators include:
- a variation in behavior/commentary in front of groups vs. in private discussion
- a difference in what the person advises to others and how they behave themselves
- and pushing the boundaries of right and wrong.
What am I missing? How do you know if someone lacks integrity? Is there something you can flag in a first meeting?
Share your thoughts below on the importance of integrity and how to see it in early interactions.
2 Comments
Miriam · December 3, 2024 at 10:36 am
On “talking badly about colleagues in initial conversations,” I would wonder about the person’s intent. In other words, if the comment is to share something negative, I would question the person’s integrity. However, if a person shares a person’s bad behavior in order to problem-solve, the intent has meaning.
Beth Cocuzza · December 3, 2024 at 11:06 am
That’s a great point, Miriam. Nuance is everything. There certainly can be a place for this kind of sharing, but if it’s not in the spirit of problem solving, it’s a flag for me.