My writing process is something like this: I think of a topic I feel needs to be discussed, and then I write the subject line/title of the piece before I start writing. Weird? Maybe. I was thinking about this one experience I wanted to share with my readers and came up with today’s title. As soon as I typed it, I thought – “Hmm, that one’s going to require some explanation. Tolerance is usually a good thing.” So bear with me.
Tolerance can be a very good thing. It depends on what you are tolerating! The slippery slope I want to talk about today is the slippery slope of tolerating unprofessional behavior at work.
I know an experienced manager, Susan, who managed a few different teams in her career, and they were generally filled with high performing individuals. She had one particular high performer (we’ll call her Tara) many years ago who early on exhibited some small, somewhat insignificant “bad behaviors.” Susan let them go, because Tara was her top performer. What do I mean by “bad behaviors”? Talking down to her colleagues occasionally, a bit of entitled spending on business trips; generally ego-driven actions, fueled by the knowledge that she produced good work.
Susan didn’t completely ignore these behaviors, but she admitted to couching any feedback she gave in a “feedback sandwich” and surrounded it with all of the glory and praise for the high quality work Tara was doing. The result? Tara didn’t hear it, or at the very least dismissed the constructive feedback as unimportant. Sometimes Susan even chalked up the behaviors as simple quirks of Tara’s personality that rubbed her the wrong way.
For a long time, Susan and Tara rolled along, side by side, in apparent alignment despite Susan’s deep irritation. But what happened to those small, unaddressed “quirks” that Susan assumed just rubbed her the wrong way? Tara was empowered to continue behaving the way she was, and emboldened to increase that behavior. This started to cause major problems across the organization. Tara had conflicts with a number of individuals, one such conflict requiring extensive conflict resolution.
Before Susan knew it, her failure to address the small, somewhat insignificant “bad behaviors” had developed into a real organizational culture problem. There were a number of individuals who didn’t want to work with Tara. There were some younger employees who Tara took under her wing and started mentoring to form an alliance of sorts that caused additional friction between teams. At that point, it was incredibly difficult to try to address the problem. Multiple people were now involved and most significantly: it’s hard to convince the person acting the same way she has been allowed to act for years that her behavior is problematic.
Susan had to come to terms with the fact that a relatively small issue that she could have addressed early on was allowed to live and grow and take on a life of its own – and Susan herself had allowed that to happen. So I’ll say it again – “down with the feedback sandwich.” Feedback must be direct and clear. Because even one person can have a pervasive and lasting impact on an organization’s culture.
When you are inclined to tolerate even slightly unprofessional behavior from a high performer, remember this – it is a slippery slope!