In his book The Good Enough Job, Simone Stolzoff shares a powerful lesson about defining your identity as more than what you do for work. There’s so much pressure to “love what you do, and you’ll never work a day in your life.” There’s a danger in giving work all of your best energy and not tending to the other aspects of your life – even if you absolutely love it.
Stolzoff shares a number of relatable stories in this book. One is the story of Divya, a young entrepreneur who launched an incredibly successful startup in the food industry. She was intensely passionate about her work and put her heart and soul into it day in and day out. Divya had a very strong relationship with her mentor and co-founder and saw him as a father figure. After a few years of working around the clock, Divya burned out and decided to leave the company. She struggled to understand who she was without her work, since she had put all of her time and energy into nurturing that aspect of her life – she felt empty without it. To make matters worse, the relationship with her mentor turned sour and he cut her out of her ownership of the company without discussion. Divya said, “It was like family, until it wasn’t.” This line stopped me short.
As a part of my research for the book I am writing, I have been interviewing women who have survived toxic workplaces. Most of the women I have talked to are in mission-driven work, where they begin with (and are trying to maintain) a deep and optimistic commitment to their work.
Each and every one of these women has said a version of the same thing — “It was like family, until it wasn’t” — without any prompting from me.
- I loved my job, until I didn’t.
- Everyone had my back, until they didn’t.
- It was a great job, until it wasn’t.
So when I read Divya’s story that line really stuck out.
This is the thing about putting too much of ourselves in our job. About trusting the environment to be familial, to care about us more than they care about the business. At some point, we are going to be disappointed. This is not to say that we should avoid jobs that feel like family, where people have our backs, where the job feels good and is fulfilling. But we have to be careful that our jobs are not the sole source of belonging, acceptance, love, and fulfillment. Because if (or when…) the job turns on you, it will undoubtedly have an outsized effect.
This is a really important recognition for me as I continue working with women who are building their careers or navigating transitions or moving into leadership positions. I want to help them excel at what they love about their work – AND I want to be sure I am encouraging them to tend to the other aspects of their identities and I’m not inadvertently setting them up for massive let down later on if and when the job takes a turn.
I first learned of Stolzoff’s book through a podcast recommended to me by a colleague:
The Liz Moody Podcast, Episode 328: Why We Have No Work/Life Balance and How to Fix It.
Simone Stolzoff, author and workplace expert, discusses the many ways work has taken on an outsized role in our lives, what it’s costing us, and exactly how to fix it.
Have a listen, and let me know what you think!
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