I have been reflecting a lot on my management experiences over the years as I work with new managers through my online courses and 1:1 coaching. My first formal management role came when I was just 8 years into my work experience, and I had been a teacher for the first 7. To say I was shooting from the hip is an understatement. I had no formal training in leadership or management, my BA and MA at that point was focused on teaching math.
I learned on the job, took what I could from watching others, and read some good books. (I still remember the first management books I read were “Who Moved My Cheese” and “The One Minute Manager.” I don’t remember any specifics, just that I felt like I suddenly had some good advice to go on. Now I’m going to pull them off my shelf and take another look!)
Bottom line, I made some mistakes along the way–just like we all do! Here are four such moments of learning. (These mistakes, by the way, range from that first management experience to one just a few years ago.. Always learning and growing!)
#1 Don’t let your personal relationships impact your management approach.
In my first management role, I developed a strong friendship with one of my direct reports and had a personal history with one other. (Nothing scandalous, he had been my student when I was a high school teacher!) I led a team of five, and looking back on it, I definitely approached my management differently with those I was close to personally. I wouldn’t say I went so far as playing “favorites,” but I don’t think I gave enough attention to how my relationships affected my approach. I likely overshared inappropriately with those who were close to me, because I trusted them. This undoubtedly had an impact on my other relationships. In my following management roles, I made sure I was acutely aware of how I was engaging in management tasks and whether I was sharing appropriate levels of information regardless of my personal relationships.
#2 Don’t let someone else make your hiring decisions.
I once worked for an incredibly charismatic leader, let’s call him Daniel. Daniel was passionate about the work we did, could convince anyone of anything, and read a whole lot of poetry (that frankly went right over my head)! When he noticed a spark in a person, he went all in for them. As we were building our organization, Daniel met a young woman with that spark. He came to me and said “you have to hire ‘Amber’; she is amazing!” And she was. I went through the formality of “interviewing” her, but it was a done deal. And it wasn’t the right call–not for the organization, and certainly not for Amber. You see, we pulled Amber out of a secure job to come and work for us. And while Amber WAS an amazing individual, she was not right for the work I needed her to do. So she struggled. We changed her role. She struggled. We moved her to a different team. She struggled, and ended up being let go. By letting someone else make a hiring decision for me, I not only caused a lot of management trouble for the organization, but I also led Amber down a path that was not right for her. (As an aside, I ran across Amber on social media recently: she is doing great!)
#3 Don’t ignore (or overindulge) high performers.
I wrote about this topic a while back in this post. I, too, once had a high performer on my team who seemingly did not need a lot of management or support. I could give him a project, he’d come to me when he needed feedback or input, I would give it, and he would get the job done. I had other folks on my team who needed more support, and so I leaned into that work. This high performer was also highly praised (yes, by me) in his first performance review.
Here’s the problem. He caught wind that his performance review was one of the highest in the organization. This fed his ego. In addition, I started to hear rumblings about this person being difficult to work with; rumblings I had not heard before and dynamics I had not seen myself (likely because I left him to do his work). At this point, given his outstanding performance review and general view of himself, it was really hard for him to hear feedback from me. It was also hard to give it. I, like Susan in my previous post, fell prey to the “feedback sandwich.” I wanted him to know that the quality of his work was still good, but that there were important things he needed to work on. The issues escalated and didn’t end well for our relationship.
My take-away here was not to withhold praise, but instead to be more attuned to the whole situation, even with high performers. That way I could be aware of and raise areas of concern before it became too hard to hear.
#4 Don’t let small things grow into big things.
I once had a young woman work on my team who started as an intern in another department and then came on with me full time. It was her first permanent job after college. I didn’t work in the office every day due to my distance from the office, and one of the reasons she was hired was to represent our team in the office. A few weeks into our work together, I noticed that she was showing up at work at odd times. 10:00 one day, 11:30 the next. When I was in the office she would be there at 9, so I didn’t see the problem right away. I only started noticing when I would be talking to another colleague, and I would say “Oh just ask ‘Kayla’ to grab that for you” and they would tell me she wasn’t in yet.
I didn’t say anything right away. I became very annoyed. I started asking my colleagues to tell me when she arrived. I built up a whole story in my head about how she didn’t care about the job. I let it go MUCH longer than I should have and I prepped for a huge confrontation about whether or not she was committed to the work. And guess what? When I raised it, she said “Oh my gosh! I am so sorry, I didn’t realize you wanted me in at the same time every day. My internship wasn’t that structured. What time should I be in?” I had wasted so much emotional energy by withholding my feedback.
Nobody’s perfect. We’re going to make mistakes along the way. What’s important is that we learn from them. What mistakes have you made that led to an important lesson?
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