I spent last week catching up on my newsletter backlog again. (I really need to find a better system for regular consumption. Maybe once this move is complete…)
Luvvie Ajayi James sends her Luvv Letter weekly. Each issue has a Rant, a Reflection, and a Recommendation. I have to admit, her snark speaks to my soul. She has a real talent for saying the things people need to hear – even when they are hard to hear – with honesty, heart, and humor.
Her reflections are also incredibly relatable. A reflection from last month:
What you do is NOT who you are.
We live in a world that’s quick to define us by our jobs, titles, and accomplishments. At events, the first question is often “So, what do you do?” as if that’s the quickest route to knowing who someone truly is.
But the truth is if I had been waiting for awards and recognition all these years to validate my work, I probably would’ve quit back in 2014. The trophies are nice, but they can’t sustain you when the storms come.
My professional titles matter to me, but in the moments of strife or in the seasons when the awards aren’t coming in and the revenue is drying up, we can’t let those titles define our worth.
In this shallow world, we gotta remember that WHAT YOU DO IS NOT WHO YOU ARE. When the spotlight dims and the applause fades, what remains is your essence, not your resume.
Yessss, Luvvie. Yes!
In early May, I was interviewed by Vanessa Ogle of Authority Magazine about Navigating Workplace Toxicity. As a part of the interview, I was asked to name 5 strategies for a healthier work environment. My strategies focused on what you can do as an individual contributor to influence the environment for yourself. Strategy number 5 was to remember that you are more than what you do.
The old adage of “do what you love and never work a day in your life” can be true for some, but it’s not the only path. Work can be a means to an end: it can give you the resources you need to pursue your passion elsewhere, or do what you love in your time outside of work. …No matter what our jobs are, we need to diversify our identity by spending time and energy on things outside of work. If our identity is tied solely to our work, we keep ourselves in situations that are not serving us out of fear of losing ourselves.
When we lead our conversations with “what do you do,” we automatically prioritize a person’s employment over everything else. And we don’t allow that person to choose their own path. When we prioritize one aspect of our lives over all the others, we are likely to stay in unhealthy situations longer than we should. Or when a factor outside of our control causes us to lose that employment or that aspect of our life, we inevitably face a bit of an identity crisis. Who am I without that thing?
I know this, I believe it, and yet I still default to asking what people do for work. I did it this week with a new neighbor. I just need a new go-to question. Simone Stolzhoff suggests a simple revision of “what do you LIKE to do?” Let’s come up with some other options for getting to know someone new!
Share your ideas below, and check out the video from the Authority Magazine interview. Let me know what you think!
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