As I transition to focusing my work on consulting and coaching women and leadership teams at mission-driven organizations, I am reading a lot about women’s professional experiences. That’s what led me to “Bully Market: My Story of Money and Misogyny at Goldman Sachs.” While Jamie Fiore Higgins’ experiences in investment banking are from a different planet than my experiences in K-12 education, so much of her story is relatable simply as a professional woman.
I won’t include spoilers here – this is a fantastic book, and I recommend reading it. It reads like a novel – think: the woman’s perspective of “The Wolf of Wall Street.” It will enrage even the most passive feminist. I yelled at Higgins’s colleagues a lot in the short time it took me to read this!
What I do want to talk about is how hard it is for women to leave a job, even when we know it is bad for us. In a corporate environment where the compensation is astronomical and the company takes credit for your success (“You are so lucky to be here, you would be nothing without us”), we develop an unhealthy relationship with money and start to doubt our own worth. We feel responsible for providing for our family and proving ourselves, and our vision about what that means becomes warped by the culture we are surrounded by daily. We gaslight ourselves (“it can’t be that bad, I just need to toughen up. I’m lucky to be here”) and we continue to endure, even though we know it’s not right.
Damaging culture can exist in nonprofit and mission-driven environments as well. And while the compensation is not typically “astronomical” – at least not on the investment banking level – there are other underlying factors that cause us to respond the same way: doubting our worth, giving others credit for our success, and staying longer than we should when the work is no longer serving us. In addition to the sense of responsibility for providing for our families or the organization itself, there is an underlying assumption that leaving means you don’t care about the mission. “If I leave, what does that say about my belief in the mission?” “Don’t you care about the kids/the patients/our clients?” People who are drawn to mission-driven organizations are often drawn to the mission itself and have a deep desire to make a difference. Leaving can be interpreted as giving up on the mission – and being selfish.
Even though part of me knew how toxic this place was for me, I truly felt I couldn’t leave.
Jamie Fiore Higgings, Bully Market
Prioritizing one’s physical and mental health is not selfish – it is necessary. Ultimately, we have to be able to separate the story that is being told to us and the reality we are living, which can be nearly impossible when immersed in the day to day. So what can you do? It helps to find a truth-teller – a trusted friend who knew you “before,” a supportive family member, or a professional mentor who can provide an impartial perspective.
If you are in need of support in navigating these challenges currently and don’t have someone to tag in as your truth-teller, Almavina can help!
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